Night Before The Knife!

February 9,2010

 Oh wise and eternal God My Father, I come to you as humble as I know how. I do not understand why this has happened to me. I don't know if this is a punishment or a test. Please Lord just let me live to tell the story. I do not want to die. I still have work to do. I just want to serve you Oh Lord. Please God heal me and see me through this allow me to be a testimony to other young women out there. Touch the surgeons hands Lord. Heal me Lord. For I know you are God that can do all things. You said that by your stripes we are healed and I am going to stand on your word right now in the name of Jesus. Give me a peace Lord allow me to be strong through this surgery. Send your angels down to watch over me. I need to hear from you Lord. I need you more than ever. Just hear my prayer Lord for I am scared. Hold me Lord please Hold me. It is in your son Jesus name Amen!

I laid in the bed with my kids that night holding them so tight. I wanted to cherish that moment forever.

Weekend Before My Surgery!

February 1,2010
My surgery date was set on February 10th. Only 10 days away and I was getting nervous! My husband wanted to give me a weekend I would never forget before my big day. He reserved us a room at this resort and took me to my first basketball game. Whoo Hoo!!!! I am so excited. I finally get to see my man Dwight Howard. This was the best gift anyone could ask for. We went to the game and I felt like a million bucks. Just watching Dwight run up and down the court made me melt. I felt like a kid at the Make A Wish Foundation...lol! After the game we returned back to my mom's house for that is where we were staying at the time until my husband received  orders to come to Florida. It was my dad's birthday and Superbowl Sunday. My favorite team the Colts were playing. My weekend couldn't get any better until the Colts lost :(  At least they made it! I am ready for my surgery....well at least I think I am???

Preparing for Surgery.

After finding out about "The Cancer" I met Dr. Imami and he sat down and explained what kind of cancer it was and recommended we took the BRAC test. My mother had breast cancer before the age of 50 as well as my cousin Margie. So, I was sure it was genetic. I mean what are the odds of me developing breast cancer at the age of 24. He recommended that I had a double mastectomy. I was 100% for that decision for,  I did not want to deal with it coming back in the other breast. My mother was crying and my husband looked sad and I was smiling. I know I should have been crying but, I could cry. I was so ready to take on this journey. I asked what stage I was and he told me that they wouldn't know until the surgery was over.  Dr. Imami wanted to get going on the Surgery. He set things up for me to meet my Oncologist Dr. Pichardo and my Plastic Surgeon Dr. Diaz. I met Dr. Pichardo and man was she a firecraker. She had so much spunk and was so beautiful. I was excited to have a doctor like her. She told me that I was too young to be here and we were going to kick this cancer's butt. I was ready to fight and I just knew I would win. I later met Dr. Diaz he seemed very detailed about his work. I was nervous for he hadn't worked on that many African Americans. I wanted to see his work especially after he told me that they would have to remove my nipples and tattoo them. I am extremely nervous about the whole plastic surgery thing.

The Color Pink

January 12, 2010
                          I am at the bowling alley with my family having a blast. The women are finally beating the men. My phone rings. I answer and it is Dr. Imami. He asked if I had time to talk and I said yes. I went to the ladies room because it was quieter in there. He then told me the news I thought I would never hear at the age of 24. He said we biopsyed the tumor and found that it was cancer. CANCER......CANCER......CANCER! Those words echoed in my ear  for at least five minutues. I told him okay that is cool. I am not surprised for my mom had breast cancer. He seemed a little surprised by my calm yet cheerful response. To be honest I really didn't have an emotion at that time. Maybe I was in denial who knows. I went back out and told my family the news. I couldn't hold it in. My husband immdiately broke down in tears. My mom looked at me in shock. My sister said stop joking Tiff. I told them I wasn't joking. Wow this is akward I thought, well lets finish bowling so I can kick you guys butt. We finished bowling and I bowled a 116. Whoo hoo! On the ride home I was numb.....so numb!

That night I had a long talk with God.....I was praying for a word He gave me Isaiah 41:10-13
It reads

10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed ; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. 11 Behold, all they that were incensed against thee shall be ashamed and confounded : they shall be as nothing; and they that strive with thee shall perish . 12 Thou shalt seek them, and shalt not find them, even them that contended with thee: they that war against thee shall be as nothing, and as a thing of nought. 13 For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

This message truly ministered to me that night and I began to praise the Lord. For I knew if he brought me to it he would bring me through it. I knew I had nothing to fear and I told the Lord that I night that I would trust him every step of the way!

Surgery Day!

January 8, 2010
                         Today is surgery day. I am so nervous this is my first surgery ever. I have never been put under before. My sister came with me and I am kinda glad she did. I know if my mom was here she would be making me more nervous than what I'm already am. Dr. Imami came in and explained the procedure and reassured me that I had no reason to worry. My husband called and let me know he would be here the next day. Thank you Lord. I really need him here right now. I told my sister I loved her and she began to sing "Over There" a song that Dorthy,Rose,and Sophia sung to Blanche(Golden Girls) when she was going into surgery. LOL I really needed a good laugh at that moment. I was gone. Completely knocked out until, I heard a man talking. What do you know I thought, I made it! I am alive! Thank you Lord! I was told everything was good and I was on my way home.

Christmas Blues!

November 2009,
                          Okay I am annoyed this lump still hasn't went away! I called the doctor to make an appointment and he ordered an ultrasound. I must admit I have a weird feeling about this.

December 2009,
                          I went to the clinic to get my ultrasound today. I was nervous but I knew it couldn't be that bad. I laid on the table and the nurse was rubbing my boob with that cold gel. I couldn't help but to smile though, for it reminded me of the first time I was pregnant and the joy I felt to find out the sex of my baby. She began to make grunting noises which made me a little scared. Why would she be making noises and funny faces unless she knew something was wrong. The doctor then read the results and told me that I had a tumor. A TUMOR!!!!! WHAT!!! He told me that he felt it was benign because I was only 24years old and this was quite common. I was still not happy about it and requested to get it removed. I didn't want to go to Turkey with a tumor in my breast. I called my husband to share the news. He was upset and wanted to come home immediately.In the mean time I was upset because I wouldn't be able to spend Christmas with my husband :(  It was just not the time for all of this. I guess you could say I had a blue Christmas!!

 A few weeks after my ultrasound,I was sent to Dr Imami's office. For he would be performing my minor yet terrifying surgery. He told me that it would be a minor surgery and, if all was well I would be able to join my husband in Turkey. Yea!!! I am going to cross my fingers for the best.

Uh oh....What is this I feel!

 September 2009,
                            I was breastfeeding my son today and I noticed a lump under my left breast. I wonder if it is a clogged milk duct or it could be a misqutoe bite. Well hopefully it will go away soon...this thing itches!