Recovery and freedom!

March,2010

 I get my drains removed to day so I can get ready for chemotherapy. I am so happy that I am getting my drains removed, now I can finally take a real bath. I must admit being onn bed rest has been so stressful. I am use to moving around and doing stuff now all I do is lie in bed. My father made plans for us to go putt putt to celebrate. I am so excited! Getting my drains removed was so painful. Ouch!!! I am free now so time to celebrate. I am so happy to have my family.

Reality!!!

March 1,2010

My surgery day was over and I had returned home. I was in so much pain and I was so angry because, I couldn't take a bath. I had to take a hoe bath for like 3 weeks the doctors said. I feel like reality has set in. I couldn't believe that my breast were gone. I remember when I was little girl how bad I wanted breast. I would love to squeeze my cousin Shari breast because, they were so big and I wanted boobs like her. LOL!!! I would stuff my bra and pray to God every night for breast. I though I has the most perfect breast and now they are gone. It then hit me that I will never be able to breast feed again and this was the hardest thing I every had to go through. I feel like my baby hates me. Breast feeding is what bonded us and now I can't feed him. I can't hold him because of these drains and surgery wombs. Ahh!!!! I am so mad. Why me Lord. This isn't fair. I just don't understand. I am too young for this. No one understands how I feel. I feel so alone right now. I have no breast!!!!

New Surgery Day!!!

February 24,2010

Today is the new day and I am ready. I went through all the test again and they began to prep me for surgery. My mom and husband were there and my aunt came. Not as many people as before but, it was enough for me. We all prayed and I was still nervous but, I knew that God would keep me. Dr. Diaz informed me that I may not get the reconstruction if I had too much milk. So I was prepared to wake up with no boobs. Dr. Imami took pictures and they doctors injected me with some feel good medication and before you knew it I was knocked out. I woke up and my first words were.....Thank You Jesus! I began to praise God for waking me up. I was wheeled into my room and my family was right there. My kids, husband, mom,dad,uncle,sister,brother,nephew,and aunt! Thank You Lord. We began to pray as a family and I was just so blessed to make it. They told me I was in surgery for 5 hours and I was unable to get the reconstruction because I had too much milk. I didn't care though I was just happy to be alive. My family then left and went home and my husband stayed. I looked down and saw that I was flat chested with drains hanging out and morphine in my IV for pain. It had really happened. They were really gone.

Time to run test!

Feb,2010
Since my first surgery date was cancelled. I went to the hospital so they could run test. After, they ran the test they found that I had a strange blood type. Lupus anticoagulant .....I have lupus too????? The doctor informed me that I did not have lupus. My blood was slow to clot. Which was valuable information for the doctors to know. Now they know how to perform my surgery. I was now cleared for my next surgery date. February 24,2010 this was my new date and I was nervous all over again.

Surgery Day

February 10, 2010

Today is the big day. I am in the car riding and I am so nervous. I am reading Isaiah 41:10-13. Lord I know you are with me so there is no reason to be afraid. We arrived at the hospital and I am shaking. I still have a smile on my face. I still can't cry. They put the IVs in my arm and I get ready for my pre-surgery testing. They took little needles and injected my breast with radiation dye so they could see how many lymph nodes were effected. Ouch!! I must admit that it hurt. It stung so bad. After, the testing I went back into the waiting room. My aunt Bea, uncle Anthony, aunt Ann, and uncle Ed all came and surprised me. I was so happy to see them. I had such a great support team. Dr Imami then came in and informed me that they had to cancel my surgery. What????? Cancel my surgery!!! I have got myself all hyped up for this. Why, I asked them and they said that my blood was not clotting properly and they didn't want to risk anything till they ran further test. Well this sucks...first breast cancer, now  my blood is messed up. Lord what is this about. I am slightly annoyed and yet happy. It is a reason for everything. Who knows why God allowed this to happen.

Night Before The Knife!

February 9,2010

 Oh wise and eternal God My Father, I come to you as humble as I know how. I do not understand why this has happened to me. I don't know if this is a punishment or a test. Please Lord just let me live to tell the story. I do not want to die. I still have work to do. I just want to serve you Oh Lord. Please God heal me and see me through this allow me to be a testimony to other young women out there. Touch the surgeons hands Lord. Heal me Lord. For I know you are God that can do all things. You said that by your stripes we are healed and I am going to stand on your word right now in the name of Jesus. Give me a peace Lord allow me to be strong through this surgery. Send your angels down to watch over me. I need to hear from you Lord. I need you more than ever. Just hear my prayer Lord for I am scared. Hold me Lord please Hold me. It is in your son Jesus name Amen!

I laid in the bed with my kids that night holding them so tight. I wanted to cherish that moment forever.

Weekend Before My Surgery!

February 1,2010
My surgery date was set on February 10th. Only 10 days away and I was getting nervous! My husband wanted to give me a weekend I would never forget before my big day. He reserved us a room at this resort and took me to my first basketball game. Whoo Hoo!!!! I am so excited. I finally get to see my man Dwight Howard. This was the best gift anyone could ask for. We went to the game and I felt like a million bucks. Just watching Dwight run up and down the court made me melt. I felt like a kid at the Make A Wish Foundation...lol! After the game we returned back to my mom's house for that is where we were staying at the time until my husband received  orders to come to Florida. It was my dad's birthday and Superbowl Sunday. My favorite team the Colts were playing. My weekend couldn't get any better until the Colts lost :(  At least they made it! I am ready for my surgery....well at least I think I am???

Preparing for Surgery.

After finding out about "The Cancer" I met Dr. Imami and he sat down and explained what kind of cancer it was and recommended we took the BRAC test. My mother had breast cancer before the age of 50 as well as my cousin Margie. So, I was sure it was genetic. I mean what are the odds of me developing breast cancer at the age of 24. He recommended that I had a double mastectomy. I was 100% for that decision for,  I did not want to deal with it coming back in the other breast. My mother was crying and my husband looked sad and I was smiling. I know I should have been crying but, I could cry. I was so ready to take on this journey. I asked what stage I was and he told me that they wouldn't know until the surgery was over.  Dr. Imami wanted to get going on the Surgery. He set things up for me to meet my Oncologist Dr. Pichardo and my Plastic Surgeon Dr. Diaz. I met Dr. Pichardo and man was she a firecraker. She had so much spunk and was so beautiful. I was excited to have a doctor like her. She told me that I was too young to be here and we were going to kick this cancer's butt. I was ready to fight and I just knew I would win. I later met Dr. Diaz he seemed very detailed about his work. I was nervous for he hadn't worked on that many African Americans. I wanted to see his work especially after he told me that they would have to remove my nipples and tattoo them. I am extremely nervous about the whole plastic surgery thing.

The Color Pink

January 12, 2010
                          I am at the bowling alley with my family having a blast. The women are finally beating the men. My phone rings. I answer and it is Dr. Imami. He asked if I had time to talk and I said yes. I went to the ladies room because it was quieter in there. He then told me the news I thought I would never hear at the age of 24. He said we biopsyed the tumor and found that it was cancer. CANCER......CANCER......CANCER! Those words echoed in my ear  for at least five minutues. I told him okay that is cool. I am not surprised for my mom had breast cancer. He seemed a little surprised by my calm yet cheerful response. To be honest I really didn't have an emotion at that time. Maybe I was in denial who knows. I went back out and told my family the news. I couldn't hold it in. My husband immdiately broke down in tears. My mom looked at me in shock. My sister said stop joking Tiff. I told them I wasn't joking. Wow this is akward I thought, well lets finish bowling so I can kick you guys butt. We finished bowling and I bowled a 116. Whoo hoo! On the ride home I was numb.....so numb!

That night I had a long talk with God.....I was praying for a word He gave me Isaiah 41:10-13
It reads

10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed ; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. 11 Behold, all they that were incensed against thee shall be ashamed and confounded : they shall be as nothing; and they that strive with thee shall perish . 12 Thou shalt seek them, and shalt not find them, even them that contended with thee: they that war against thee shall be as nothing, and as a thing of nought. 13 For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

This message truly ministered to me that night and I began to praise the Lord. For I knew if he brought me to it he would bring me through it. I knew I had nothing to fear and I told the Lord that I night that I would trust him every step of the way!

Surgery Day!

January 8, 2010
                         Today is surgery day. I am so nervous this is my first surgery ever. I have never been put under before. My sister came with me and I am kinda glad she did. I know if my mom was here she would be making me more nervous than what I'm already am. Dr. Imami came in and explained the procedure and reassured me that I had no reason to worry. My husband called and let me know he would be here the next day. Thank you Lord. I really need him here right now. I told my sister I loved her and she began to sing "Over There" a song that Dorthy,Rose,and Sophia sung to Blanche(Golden Girls) when she was going into surgery. LOL I really needed a good laugh at that moment. I was gone. Completely knocked out until, I heard a man talking. What do you know I thought, I made it! I am alive! Thank you Lord! I was told everything was good and I was on my way home.

Christmas Blues!

November 2009,
                          Okay I am annoyed this lump still hasn't went away! I called the doctor to make an appointment and he ordered an ultrasound. I must admit I have a weird feeling about this.

December 2009,
                          I went to the clinic to get my ultrasound today. I was nervous but I knew it couldn't be that bad. I laid on the table and the nurse was rubbing my boob with that cold gel. I couldn't help but to smile though, for it reminded me of the first time I was pregnant and the joy I felt to find out the sex of my baby. She began to make grunting noises which made me a little scared. Why would she be making noises and funny faces unless she knew something was wrong. The doctor then read the results and told me that I had a tumor. A TUMOR!!!!! WHAT!!! He told me that he felt it was benign because I was only 24years old and this was quite common. I was still not happy about it and requested to get it removed. I didn't want to go to Turkey with a tumor in my breast. I called my husband to share the news. He was upset and wanted to come home immediately.In the mean time I was upset because I wouldn't be able to spend Christmas with my husband :(  It was just not the time for all of this. I guess you could say I had a blue Christmas!!

 A few weeks after my ultrasound,I was sent to Dr Imami's office. For he would be performing my minor yet terrifying surgery. He told me that it would be a minor surgery and, if all was well I would be able to join my husband in Turkey. Yea!!! I am going to cross my fingers for the best.

Uh oh....What is this I feel!

 September 2009,
                            I was breastfeeding my son today and I noticed a lump under my left breast. I wonder if it is a clogged milk duct or it could be a misqutoe bite. Well hopefully it will go away soon...this thing itches!